Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
