I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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