"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
