Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
