I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
