What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
