Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you had me at cake vodka
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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