I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
