Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
