Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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