It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
