Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
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Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
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I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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