it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
