Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
