well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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