She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
