we have officially lost it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
