I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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