I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
