So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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