im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
