Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
