I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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