TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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