I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
