I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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