i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
