Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
