I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
