once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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