so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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