Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
