i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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