i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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