FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
