My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
