I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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