There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
