I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
