just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
