we have officially lost it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
