the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
