my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Someone signed my nipple.
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