You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
