Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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