The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
