Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
