i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
