burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
vagina is talking i cant
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
