How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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