I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
