I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
