My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
