Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
