She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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