Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
