She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
