sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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