Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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