I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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